I'd wear matching sweaters with you
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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