god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize