we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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