If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
