i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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