Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
