My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
