I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
