when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
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Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
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Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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