I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
