drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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