Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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