The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
