Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
