woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
