I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
