Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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