I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
