I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
