having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
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Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
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What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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