I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
