We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
