i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
