Your dad touched me again.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
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Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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