Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
