If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
