I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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