I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
