I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
