i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
