i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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