party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just had sex on a roof
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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