I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
