it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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