She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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