I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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