I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
