he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
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have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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