this just has baby written all over it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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