I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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