He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
