we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
