I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
