I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
