I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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