Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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