oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
