youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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