I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
BRING THE BAGELS
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
