wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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