My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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