My hand turned me down
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
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Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
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He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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