Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
