My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
