2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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