My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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