i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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