Don't you send me to vm
Having a random hookup so left but love u
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."