You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
