Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
