i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
