In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
