I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
