Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
